Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
