im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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