Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
