Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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