Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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