Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
