All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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