You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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