She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
