Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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