GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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