The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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