i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I love having hate sex.
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OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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