nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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