Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
