somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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