WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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