Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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