It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
i now understand why vodka
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
