Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
