just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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