I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
