shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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