you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
