1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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