Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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