Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
That's how pantless uber rides happen
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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