Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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