You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
