Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
