You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
