My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
