Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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