I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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