11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
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I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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