Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
