I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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