If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
