Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i love accidental penises.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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