Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I am naked and annoyed.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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