Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
