Got a toothbrush?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You smell like stripper and shame
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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