my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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