Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
