I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i think im in europe. pls send help
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
