dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Enjoy the penises
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
