my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
