what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
