yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
