Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
