I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I think I won the penis lottery.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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