Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Are we still banned from the library?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
