I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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