On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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