his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
