I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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