guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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