hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
