I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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