I don't usually arrange sex via text message
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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