I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
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