She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
high people should be assigned attendants
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
