im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize