College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You took a bar mat shot.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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