you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
