Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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