Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
