fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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