Jerry, you need to find god
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
