it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
