Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
