i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
