Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
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Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
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I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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