i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the room spins SO much faster in panama
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
