so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
