Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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