I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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