I think my vagina is haunted
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
