do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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