The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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