In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
