i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
